The following is a transcript of the fanfiction episode Finn & Fionna for possible submission to Frederator. It is a work-in-progress and may change with opinion or new ideas of my own.
NOTE: Where you see *FOGHORN* is supposed to be a censor bleep.
(Opening theme is played)
Narrator (Voice of Patrick Stewart): This is the story of a boy, a girl, a post-apocolyptic world and how they found each other through sheer determination. We start our story here, in the Land of Aaa, formerly Australia. Here are our female lead and her adoptive sister, a cat with stretchy powers. They are fighting a wicked Ice Queen to save a prince.
(Cut to the Ice Kingdom in Aaa, then to Fionna's face)
Fionna: Last chance, Ice Queen! Release Prince Gumball or I will be forced to use force more brute than I'm using right now!
Ice Queen (Laughs): Young fool! By now, you must realize that Prince Gumball is mine! HAHAHA!
Cake: You may be strong, but prepare for-A SUCKERPUNCH IN THE STOMACH! HIYAH!
(Ice Queen recoils)
Ice Queen: You punch good, but you'll never take-UNMARKETABILITY!
(Record scratch: Fionna & Cake stare at her in awkward silence)
Fionna: What are you *FOGHORN* talking about?
Ice Queen: Nothing. I just always wanted to say that.
Prince Gumball (cheering): Rick'em, rack'em, rock'em, rake! Stick that sword into that queen!
Ice Queen: That doesn't even rhyme!
PG (mood changes): Ice Queen, Ice Queen, she's my girl. If she can't do it, GREAT!
Fionna: No more games, Ice Queen! PREPARE TO HAVE THE TAR BEATEN OUT OF YOU!
(Fionna mercilessly beats down Ice Queen, then stabs & kills her)
Fionna (grimaced): That's one less annoyance in my life.
Cake: WAY TO GO, GIRL!
PG: YES! NOW I CAN GET MY LIFE BACK! Fionna, you have done well, today! When we get back to the kingdom, I must tell you something important.
Fionna (thinking): Maybe it's another invitation to some ball!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Land of Ooo, formerly North America, Finn & Jake are in the Ice Kingdom of their land. But as you or may not know, unlike Prince Gumball, who is 18, Princess Bubblegum is 13, perfect for Finn. No, Ice King invited Finn & Jake over for game night. The game: Monopoly. But something unexpected is happening.
Finn: Ice King! This is stupid!
Ice King (whining): But I want to be the car! You ALWAYS GET TO BE THE CAR!
Jake: What's wrong with the boot?
Ice King: How do I know if it doesn't have a bad smell?
Finn: UGH! That's it! This is totally *FOGHORN*!
(Finn & Jake leave)
Ice King: No wait! COME BACK! PLEASE! NOOOO!!!!
(Finn & Jake disappear on the horizon: Ice King sighs)
Ice King: Gunter?
(Gunter is off-screen)
Gunter: Wack? (Yes?)
Ice King: Get me a cold one, will ya?
Gunter: WACK *FOGHORN* WACK! (No *FOGHORN* way!)
Ice King (to himself): I guess dad was right. Never work with penguins.
(Finn & Jake arrive back at the Tree Fort: Finn plops down on the couch: Beemo is on the coffee table)
Finn: What a day! I'm pooped after all we went through today.
Jake: I hear that, Finn. Let's get some sleep for tomorrow.
(The phone rings. Finn looks over at the phone)
Finn: I wonder who that could be?
Jake: Maybe it's Ice King trying to apologize.
Finn: Or Marceline. But hey, you never know until you answer the phone.
Jake: Or look-
Finn: We don't have caller ID. Wait, THAT MAKES US SUCEPTIBLE TO PRANK CALLS!
Jake: Just answer the phone.
(Finn answers the phone)
Finn: This is the Tree Fort, Finn speaking.
Unknown voice (on telephone): Hello, is your refrigerator running?
Finn (annoyed): I don't have a *FOGHORN* refrigerator! I'm a righteous adventurer who lives in a tree outside of the *FOGHORN* Candy Kingdom, for *FOGHORN* sake! Why would I need a refrigerator when I could just get free candy?
Unknown voice: Then you better go & catch it.
Finn: What?! What the *FOGHORN* is that supposed to mean? Oh, I see! That was a prank call!
(The phone rings again)
Finn: Now who is it?
(Finn answers the phone)
Unknown voice (again): Hello, do you have Prince Albert in a can?
Finn: Who the *FOGHORN* is Prince Albert? And I don't have a *FOGHORN* can!
Unknown voice: Well you'd better let him out!
Finn: Who keeps *FOGHORN* prank calling us?!
(Phone rings again)
Finn: THAT'S IT! I HAVE SOME CHOICE WORDS FOR THIS *FOGHORN* JOKER!
(Finn answers the phone)
Finn: NOW LOOK! YOU BETTER COME *FOGHORN* CLEAN!
(Screen splits to reveal Princess Bubblegum)
Finn: Oh god! I'm so sorry, PB! Someone has been prank calling me!
PB: I understand. In fact we've had numerous reports of people getting prank called.
Finn: It's an epidemic!
PB: Don't worry, Finn. Authorities are searching all over Ooo right now. Anyway, I need you to come to the Candy Kingdom. There is an important matter I need to discuss with you.
Finn: Alright, I'll be right over shortly.
(Finn hangs up the phone)
Jake: Who was it, Finn?
Finn: It was Princess Bubblegum. She needs to see me right away.
Jake: Hehe. I can only guess why.
Narrator: Back in Aaa, Fionna, Cake & Prince Gumball have arrived back at the Gumball Kingdom. That all too big revelation is looming, my friends.
(Fionna, Cake & PG walk in to the castle)
PG: Wait outside, Cake. This does not concern you.
Cake: Just promise me you're not Ice Queen in disguise!
PG: Scouts honor!
(Cake walks outside & runs off with Lord Monochromicorn)
PG: Alright Fionna. What I am about to tell you is something I've been keeping from you for years. In fact, it's an elaborate cover-up.
Fionna: Does this have to do with all those times you shouted-(imitates PG) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
PG: Exactly. Now, you know how you're the last human in Aaa, right?
PG: Well, maybe in Aaa, but not on Earth. You see, Fionna, you....you...you....
Fionna (Nervously): I what?!
PG: You...you...yooooouuuuuu....have a brother. A TWIN BROTHER!
Fionna (face gets cosmic & soul-searchy): Are you *FOGHORN* me?
PG: No, I'm not *FOGHORN* you.
Peppermint Butler (off-screen): Do you two kiss your mothers with those mouths?!
PG (annoyed): Peppermint Butler, get a hobby.
Peppermint Butler (Retorting): I DO have a hobby! (Peppermint Butler pulls out an issue of Model Railroader, then makes train sounds)
PG (Rage-mode): GET THE *FOGHORN* OUT OF HERE!!!
(Peppermint Butler runs out crying)
PG: OK, maybe that was a little bit harsh. Back to the subject of your brother.
(Scene transitions to the Candy Kingdom in Ooo)
Finn: *sigh* Well, here goes nothing.
(Finn enters the Candy Kingdom)
Cinnamon Bun: Hiya Finn! Princess is looking for ya!
Finn: Yes, I know.
Cinnamon Bun: Watch this!
(Cinnamon Bun does a backflip & lands flat on his face)
Cinnamon Bun: OH GOD, MY *FOGHORN* CROTCH!
(Finn laughs & continues on his way:soon he reaches the castle)
Finn: This is the place.
(Finn walks in as Lollipop Girl heads out of the castle)
Finn: Now where is PB?
Peppermint Butler: Ah! Master Finn! Princess Bubblegum is waiting for you! She's upstairs.
(Finn walks upstairs to PB's room. Once there, PB runs to Finn & hugs him)
PB: I'm so glad you could come! There is something VERY IMPORTANT I must tell that I have kept from you for nearly 8 years. You see...you know you're the last Human in Ooo, right?
PB: Well, you're not the last human on Earth.
Finn (blushes): I-I'm not?
PB: No Finn. There does exist another human. Close to you.
Finn: What do you mean? Are we-
(Cuts to Fionna)
PG: Yes. I didn't tell you for your own safety. I didn't think you were able to take care of yourself should you go on a quest to find him. But you killing Ice Queen changed my opinion. You CAN take care of yourself.
(Cuts to PB)
PB: So you see, Finn, me & several other people have been part of an elaborate cover-up to keep your sister a secret for your own good. But now I thought would be the right time to tell you the truth.
Finn: Where does she live?
(Cuts to PG)
PG: He lives on the other side of the Pacific Ocean in the Land of Ooo. The best way to get there is by ship.
Fionna: Not an option. I'm too scared of the Ocean.
(Cuts to Finn)
Finn: Couldn't I just take a plane?
PB: Just wait for her to come to you. She'll get here one way or another. But please don't leave Ooo. Ooo needs you, we need you, I need you the most!
Finn: I know. You made that very clear after you became 13 again.
PB (blushes): Yeah.
(Cuts to Fionna)
Fionna: I must leave at once! That is, if it's okay with you, PG?
PG: I don't mind. Besides, with Ice Queen gone, our defense budget is now going toward building roads between the Gumball Kingdom & our allies. So it's like your presence here is...well...no longer needed. OH *FOGHORN*! I SAID IT!
Fionna: No, I saw it coming. I am no longer needed for defense purposes. Besides, this brother sounds more important to me right now.
PG: *sigh* I didn't mean it that way. You're still more than welcome here for other purposes.
(Cuts to PB)
PB: If you leave, Finn, then who will defend us? I heard tell that The Lich has returned & is planning to destroy everyone! Stay with me, Finn. Stay & protect me from evil's wrath!
Finn: But if I have a sister, that should be my other priority other than your protection. I must meet her!
(Cut to Fionna)
Fionna: I must meet him! I must go to the Land of Ooo! Wait, where exactly is Ooo?
PG: I thought you'd never ask. Come take a look at the World Map.
(PG pushes a button, and a holographic map pops up)
Fionna: Why is part of the map missing?
PG: That's where the Korean Peninsula used to be. It was destabilized by constant ICBM bombardment towards the end of World War III. Now, this is Aaa, formerly known as Australia. Ooo is here, formerly known as North America.
Fionna: What about this?
(Fionna points to what was once Europe)
PG: Oh, that's Sonnah. I wouldn't recommend going there. They say there is a mad scientist there with an army of robots. Only two people keep his attempted invasions on the the Dark Kingdom in check.
Fionna: Are they human, too?
PG: Actually yes. Yes they are.
Fionna: Like I said, going by ship is NOT an option.
PG: There is always the Flying Taxi.
Fionna: I'm all about flying, so that's my best option.
PG: Aren't you bring Cake with you?
Fionna: Of course I am! Have you ever seen me use "Stretchy-Powers?"
(Cut to Finn)
Finn: *Sigh* I promise you I will return, PB, in one form or another. Maybe not even with this daft face on. But I will return.
(Cut to Fionna)
Fionna: Well, I guess-
(Cut to Finn)
Finn: -This is-
Finn & Fionna (split-screen): Goodbye.
("Finn & Fionna" starts)
PB (Fighting back tears): Goodbye, Finn. I hope you find your sister.
(Finn gets emotional himself. He runs to PB & they hug, then kiss. Cut to Fionna & PG)
PG: Before you leave, Fionna, there is one last thing I should tell you.
Fionna (Blushing): Yes?
PG (makes the Vulcan symbol): Live long....and prosper.
(Fionna nods at him & walks out the room: cut to Finn)
Finn: Farewell. For now.
(Finn walks out of the room)
PB (under her breath): I love you, Finn.
(Cut to a split-screen. Finn & Jake are walking to the right on the top screen, while Fionna & Cake are walking to the left on the bottom screen)
Narrator: There. That was it. The big reveal. Bet you didn't see that coming! Anyway, Finn & Fionna are now heading toward their destiny: meeting face-to-face. Collect your thoughts while you watch some commercials.
(Cut to commercials. NOTE: LINES REGARDING COMMERCIALS WERE CUT ON THE DVD VERSION)
Narrator: Now to continue the story. Finn & Jake searched all of Ooo. Come hell or high water, he would find Fionna. The same went for her.
Finn: PB said to wait for her to come.
Jake: Maybe we should check the port.
Finn: No way, man. If my sister is like me, she probably has a paralyzing fear of the ocean. Maybe a Flying Taxi?
Jake: What the *FOGHORN* is a Flying Taxi?!
Finn: No time. We need to move!
(Cut to The Lich's lair)
Narrator: Now for the villain of our story. The Lich was already angry at Finn for killing him & forcing him to inhabit that snail that appears in every episode. Now he has created a new body. With the body came the voice of Jeremy Irons. I'm not joking.
The Lich (Voice of Jeremy Irons): It is time, commander.
Skeleton Commander: For what?
The Lich: TO ATTACK THE CANDY KINGDOM! I have waited a whole season of this *FOGHORN* show to come out of the shadows & exact my revenge on that little *FOGHORN* Finn!
Skeleton Commander: Sir, take a chill pill.
The Lich: Perhaps I have been over-confident. Besides, their army is finely tuned! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT THEY DID TO ONE OF MY PREVIOUS BODIES!
(The Lich & all of his minions sing "Be Prepared": which will get it's own page soon)
The Lich: *FOGHORN*! I think I messed up the last note! Can we start over?
Narrator: No, Lich. We must keep the story going. In the Land of Aaa, Fionna & Cake are about to hail a Flying Taxi.
Fionna: Here comes a Taxi.
(The taxi pulls up. The driver rolls down the window)
Taxi Driver (Voice of Nathan Lane): Hey, you're Fionna! I heard you killed the Ice Queen! You don't know how happy I am! Hop in! I'll give you a ride free of charge!
Fionna (gesturing): Not necassary. I'll pay like a law-abiding citizen.
Taxi Driver: Can't argue with that. Where to?
Fiona: The Land of Ooo.
Taxi Driver: WHOA! You wanna go there?!
Fionna: I'm going there to find my brother.
Taxi Driver: Now I understand. But please note I only take exact change.
Fionna: Cake, do you have exact change?
Cake: Nope. All I have are bills.
Taxi Driver: Eh, close enough. Hop in!
(Fionna & Cake get in the cab: the cab takes off)
Narrator: Back in Ooo, Finn & Jake continue there quest. Along the way, they help people who are in danger, slay ogres (yes I know they look like Elmo & Oscar from "Sesame Street") & find a suitable cave for Party Pat & his posse of bears. Meanwhile, at the Candy Kingdom, news of The Lich's advance comes in.
(Peppermint Butler walks into PB's room: PB is still clearly sad about Finn's departure)
Peppermint Butler: Princess?
PB: *sniffles* Yes?
Peppermint Butler: The Lich has begun his advance. He is intent on destroying you.
PB: *FOGHORN* that butt! DEPLOY THE ARMY!
Peppermint Butler: Right away.
(PB looks out the window)
PB: I hope you're OK, Finn.
(The army mobilizes. There is an impressive show of power with M-16's, tanks, humvees & Javelin Rocket Launchers. As they head out, they sing "Do You Hear The People Sing?" As they pass the graveyard, Starchy is digging new graves)
Starchy: Starchy's planning for the post-battle moratorium.
(Cut to Finn & Jake, who arrive in the Ice Kingdom)
Finn: Know what time it is, Jake?
Finn: It's interrogation time!
(Finn knocks on the door: Ice King opens it)
Ice King: Oh! Uh, hey guys. Look, I want to apologize about last night. I just really love the car!
Finn: We have questions regarding a cover-up we want to talk to you about.
Ice King: OK, I CONFESS! GUNTER IS WHATEVER PENGUIN IS AROUND! Oh wait, THAT COVER-UP! Ain't I scatterbrained!
(Finn, Jake & Ice King sit at the table)
Finn: So, you know which cover-up we're talking about, right?
Ice King: The one about your sister.
Finn: Exactly! Now come clean & tell me the truth.
Ice King: OK. You remember when I captured you guys & I read you that "fanfiction" about you guys called "Adventure Time with Fionna & Cake?"
Finn: Was the character Fionna based on my sister?
Ice King: No, she is your sister. Your twin sister.
Jake (jokingly): Houston, we have a name.
Finn: Wait, then you breached the cover-up!
Ice King: No I didn't! But I can tell you this: those books were magical books. Everything I read affected what happened. So you could say that I possessed them. Until that Marshall Lee destroyed them & threatened death to me!
(With a puff of smoke, Marshall Lee appears out of nowhere)
Marshall Lee: You rang?
Ice King: OH *FOGHORN*!
Finn: Who are you?!
Marshall Lee: Name's Marshall Lee. You must be Finn.
Finn: How do you know my name?
Marshall Lee: Marceline told me all about you. She's my sister, by the way.
Finn: I'm looking for my own sister right now.
Marshall Lee: You mean Fionna? I didn't know she had a brother.
Finn: Apparently yes.
Marshall Lee: She's a great girl. Lot's of spirit. Lot's of tenacity. She rarely gives up.
Finn: That's sounds like me.
Marshall Lee: Well, looks like I made Ice King faint. Shame, too, 'cause I heard Fionna killed Ice Queen.
Finn: I think I met Ice Queen in the Crystal Dimension. My sister must one hell of a girl.
Marshall Lee: She is the best pilot in the Land of Aaa. And a cunning warrioress. Her skills with a sword certainly are notable.
Finn: OK, now I MUST find her!
Marshall Lee: That's the spirit! I believe she is on her way right now.
Finn: Thank you, Marshall Lee, for telling me about my sister. Now I know what to expect from her.
Marshall Lee: Anytime, Finn. Anytime.
Finn: One more thing: your voice sounds like some *FOGHORN* that prank called me twice in a row.
Marshall Lee (sweats): Uh...uh...it was me. I didn't know who I was calling. I was just copying numbers from the 3011 Yellowbook. I'm so sorry, Finn.
Finn: It's OK, I guess. Like you said, you were reading a Yellowbook. I don't read those.
(Cut to the Flying Taxi, which is stuck in a traffic jam. All of the cars are clouds)
Taxi Driver (annoyed): UGH! Stupid traffic jam!
(The driver sticks his head out the window)
Taxi Driver: HEY, GET OFF THE *FOGHORN* ROAD! *HONK HONK HONK* *FOGHORN* MOVE IT! HEY! GET OFF THE *FOGHORN* ROAD! *HONK HONK HONK*
(The traffic finally clears)
Taxi Driver: Hang on, back there! I gotta make up for lost time! BURN RUBBER!
(The taxi takes off at high speed. Fionna & Cake are jolted backwards. The taxi makes a sharp turn, as Fionna hits the window. The taxi swerves into oncoming traffic. The driver laughs like a lunatic, as Fionna & Cake scream. Cut to the Land of Ooo. The taxi descends.)
Taxi Driver: Land of Ooo, Final Stop! Hello? Are you still alive back there?
(Cake is dogpiled on Fionna's face)
Fionna (mumbling): Cake, can you please get off my face? Your claws are out.
Cake: Oops! Sorry!
(Cake gets off of Fionna's face. Fionna opens the door & gasps.)
Fionna: GET ME OFF THIS *FOGHORN* TAXI FROM HELL!
Taxi Driver: Gee, I'm very sorry. I forgot I'm not on a schedule. This ride is on me.
Fionna: Goodbye, you Duke of Hazzard!
(The taxi leaves. Fionna gets up.)
Fionna: Now, to find my brother.
(Fionna & Cake examine their surroundings)
Fionna: Cake, this place feels alot like Aaa.
Cake: The only difference is that army there.
(Cut to The Lich leading his army)
Fionna: Hmph! I could take those guys! C'mon, Cake!
(Fionna starts running, but Cake blocks her with her ear)
Cake: No Fionna! It's too dangerous! It's not even worth the risk! Well have to let them pass, then search for your brother.
Fionna: Fine, but those guys could be on their way to destroy something!
(Fionna starts pacing. All of a sudden, she is thrown through the air by a land mine left over from World War III)
Cake (yelling): HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?!
Narrator: Hold it right there! This would be a good place to break for a commercial! God, do I love cliffhangers!
(Commercials are shown)
Narrator: Now to continue the story. We're getting close, people! To that moment! Anyway, Fionna is hurling through the air. Jake has returned to the Tree Fort, as Finn said he should search for Fionna alone. She is his sister, after all.
(Fionna lands in a tree & snaps a few branches, which break her fall.)
Fionna: OK, now that that horrific distraction is over, back to the search!
(Nearby, but out of Fionna's view, Finn is walking in the forest. He can't stop thinking about everything Ice King & Marshall Lee told him. Suddenly, he gets a wierd feeling he has felt before. Fionna gets the same feeling.)
Finn: My god, I sense she's close.
(Cut to Fionna)
Fionna: I can actually feel his presence.
(A humorous sequence starts, as Finn & Fionna go hither & yon to find each other. "Yakkity Sax" plays in the background. Finally...)
Narrator: Wait for it....wait for it....NOW!
(Finn rounds a corner & comes face to face with Fionna)
Narrator: HA! YES! THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE *FOGHORN*! THIS IS THE *FOGHORN*! Now SSSHH! Let's see what happens!
(Finn & Fionna are at a loss of words. They just stare blankly at each other. At leas one minute goes by.)
Narrator (with a deep voice): DO SOMETHING!!!
(Finn & Fionna's eyes close. Their head's dip downward slightly as an white orb appears. Thus begins the Memory Sharing sequence.)
Narrator: Oh boy, here we go. This next sequence will put to rest ALL THEORIES regarding the "Great Mushroom War", but it's actual name is World War III. Now let's zoom into that orb. It's time for Memory Sharing!
(The camera does such. "Anakins Betrayal" plays in the background, as images of nuclear war from various TV shows & movies, plus clips of US & USSR bomb tests are shown. Also shown are the origins of the main characters: Finn & Fionna's birth & separation from their parents, why they are afraid of the ocean, Jake rolling around in radioactive mud, Princess Bubblegum being created by a scientist just before he dies, Ice King emerging from a glacier, Lumpy Space Princess & Lady Rainicorn's arrivial in our dimension & The Lich emerging from a firestorm in Beijing. Marceline's past is represented through clips from Season 3's "Memory of a Memory". The final thing seen in the sequence is the Korean Peninsula breaking away from Earth & Finn being found by Joshua, the latter using stock footage from Season 1's "Memories on Boom Boom Mountain". The camera zooms out as the orb dissipates. Finn & Fionna have shocked expressions on their faces)
Finn: My god...
Fionna: It's all true. What they said.
Narrator: It's all coming full circle now, my friends. Finally, Finn has found his real family, in the form of Fionna. Personally, I didn't think Natasha Allegri's creations would become so popular with the fans! And now it comes full circle here-
Finn & Fionna (in unison): SHUT THE *FOGHORN* UP!
(Finn & Fionna stare at each other for a moment, then start laughing)
(The laughing subsides. "Finn & Fionna" starts playing.)
Fionna (Blushing): I guess...I'm your twin sister.
Finn (Also blushing): It would seem so.
(Finn & Fionna fall to their knees.)
Narrator (whispering): Get the tissues ready, people.
Finn: All those years of separation make what I initially thought would be a fruitless search all worth it.
Fionna: And I guess that taxi ride from hell over here was worth it.
Finn: Taxi ride from hell?
Fionna: Long story.
(Tears start coming to Finn's eyes)
Fionna: And yet we don't know each other's names. I'm Fionna.
Finn (emotionally): *sniffle* And I'm Finn. Your brother.
(Tears start coming to Fionna's eyes as the scene gets more emotional)
Narrator: Here it comes, folks.
(Finn & Fionna lean in)
(Finn & Fionna fall in completely, and hug, tears filling their eyes)
Narrator: *sniffle* I can't take it anymore! I'll be back!
(Cut to the studio, where Patrick Stewart himself stands up, runs to the bathroom & starts crying. Cut to Pendleton Ward, Adam Muto, Rebecca Sugar, Jesse Moynihan & Natasha Allegri all look on at the screen, getting emotional themselves, as Finn & Fionna's grip on each other tightens and more & more tears come from their eyes)
(NOTE, THE FOLLOWING QUOTE WAS ONLY IN THE INITIAL AIRING. IT IS ABSENT ON THE DVD RELEASE, BUT CAN BE SEEN IN THE SPECIAL FEATURES)
Patrick Stewart: *sniffle* Well, if you're at home & you're crying, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We knew this scene was going to be especially emotional. Please call this number & we'll try to calm you down. The lines are now open.
(The number appears on screen. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS WAS ONLY IN THE INITIAL AIRING ON LABOR DAY 2012. Afterwards, it was replaced by a still shot of Finn & Fionna, as the camera zooms out)
(Cuts back to Finn & Fionna. The camera zooms in on them. Not a word is spoken, as the scene fades to commercial break. THE FADE IS ONLY IN THE TV VERSION.)
Narrator: OK, now that the emotional scene is out of the way, we can get on to the climax. The big battle.
(The Lich points his sword at the Candy Army)
The Lich: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
("Anakin's Dark Deeds" starts playing. The two massive armies run towards each other. A bloody battle is soon underway. Cut to Finn & Fionna, who are still hugging.)
Narrator: NO! DON'T SHOW THAT! QUICK! CUT TO SOMETHING ELSE!
(Shortly after that outburst, Finn & Fionna hear the battle)
Finn: Oh no! THE LICH!
Fionna: The who?
Finn: The Lich! His forces are battling the Candy Army!
(Finn & Fionna release each other, then grab their swords. They both look at each other's swords.)
Finn: Nice sword.
Fionna: Your sword seems nice, too.
Finn: Now let's get to that battle!
Finn & Fionna: BATTLE TIME!
(Finn & Fionna stand up & start running, swords in hand. They soon rush in & start striking down skeleton soldiers)
Candy Soldier: Am I seeing double or what?
(The Lich notices Finn)
The Lich: There you are, Fi-OH MY GOD, WHO IS THAT WITH HIM?!
(Finn & Fionna stand back-to-back, holding off the skeletons)
Finn: WE MUST HOLD OUT! THE CANDY KINGDOM MUST NOT FALL! GOT ANY IDEAS HOW TO TAKE THEM OUT?
Fionna: NONE! WE JUST GOTTA HOLD OUT!
(The Lich joins the battle. He starts using both his fire & his sword. In an instant, many, many Candy Soldiers fall. Meanwhile, the Skeleton Soldiers recede & The Lich walks up to Finn & Fionna)
The Lich: Finn The Human! You have gallantly! Worthy of recognition in the Ooo Hall of Fame! And now, it is finished. Surrender...and your lives will be spared.
Finn: No! You threaten my princess with death! YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fionna: I'm with him!
(The Lich gets confused)
The Lich: Who the *FOGHORN* are you!?!?!?!?!?!
Fionna: I am Finn's twin sister, Fionna. I stand with him.
The Lich: 2 against 1? NO FAIR!
Finn: But you have powers. We're just a pair of humans with no power.
The Lich: True, true. Fine then! EN GARDE!
(The Skeleton Soldiers & Candy Soldiers all come to where Finn, Fionna & The Lich are standing)
Candy Soldier: I place all my bets on Finn & the new girl!
Skeleton Soldier: Place ya bets! Place ya bets!
Finn: Care to explain, Lich?
The Lich: I'll be honest. They all have gambling problems.
Fionna: I see.
(A Skeleton Soldier comes out wearing a referee uniform)
Referee: Alright, I want a fair fight. Lich, no fire. Finn & the new girl who looks like him, no melee.
Finn, Fionna & The Lich: RIGHT!
Referee: Round 1. Alright, ready...FIGHT!!!
(Finn & Fionna charge at The Lich. Soon, a 2-on-1 sword fight is on. Soldiers from both sides continue to gamble. The Lich loses his concentration when one of the Skeleton Soldiers misplaces a chip & has his sword knocked out of his hands.)
Referee: Round 2. FIGHT!!!
(Finn & Fionna continually parry all of The Lich's attacks. Round 2 goes to Finn & Fionna when they cut off The Lich's left hand.)
The Lich: HEY! NO DISMEMBERMENT!
Referee: Nothing says you can't dismember. DEATH ROUND! FIGHT!
(The fight gets super intense. So intense, that sparks start flying from the blades. After about 3 minutes, Finn finally impales The Lich. He screams in pain.)
The Lich: You have defeated me Finn the Human. But know this: I will return, like I always do.
(The Lich's spirit leaves, as his body drops. All of the Skeleton Soldiers break down. The Candy Soldiers all start cheering as Finn & Fionna look at each other.)
Fionna: You did well, Finn. You did well.
Finn: So did you.
(The camera zooms out as the cheering continues. It then fades to the Candy Kingdom. Finn & Fionna walk through the gates. The Candy People stare at Fionna, but the Candy Soldiers tell them she is Finn's twin sister. They start cheering.)
Finn: Now this is what I call a heroes welcome!
(Finn & Fionna enter the castle. They head upstairs to PB's room. Fionna is the first to enter the room. PB turns around.)
PB: WHAT THE *FOGHORN* DID THEY DO TO YOU, FINN!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(Finn enters the room)
Finn: PB, I would like you to meet Fionna, my twin sister!
(PB & Fionna shake hands)
Fionna: I'm guessing you were part of the cover-up?
(PB laughs, then turns to Finn. They hug & kiss. The scene fades to the Grand Hall. A medal ceremony is taking place. PB presents Finn & Fionna each with a Medal of Honor. Everyone in attendance cheers. Later, Finn & Fionna walk inside of the Tree Fort.)
Finn: This is it. Home.
(Finn shows Fionna around the Tree Fort. Soon they conclude the tour.)
Finn: So, what did you think?
(Fionna stares into Finn's eyes)
Fionna: It's all wonderful, Finn!
Finn: What now?
Fionna: I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I do know this much: I'm staying here with you forever!
(Finn smiles. Meanwhile, Jake seems to have found Cake. They warm up to each other very quickly. It isn't too long before Jake starts giving Cake a tour of Ooo. Cake is introduced to Marceline. For some reason, she does not show fear in Marceline's presence.)
Narrator: Well, that's the end of our story. NOT! It's just the beginning of The War Chronicles spin-off!
(Finn & Fionna hug again, closing out the special)
Ice King (Voiceover): WAIT! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Narrator: All will be revealed this season, Ice King. Just you wait & see.
(The End Credits play. Finn & Fionna look to the night sky, realizing their status as a critically endangered species. Meanwhile, fanart from DeviantArt of Finn & Fionna is shown. The credits end with Finn & Fionna hugging.)
POST CREDITS SCENE
(Billy walks in)
Billy: I'm here! Come out, Lich! Wait, the battle is over! Ah *FOGHORN*! Oh well, I'll just eat some candy off this dead soldier.
(Meanwhile at The Lich's Lair: The Lich inhabits a new body)
The Lich (voice of Ian McDiarmid): One of these day, Finn, ONE OF THESE DAYS! I will have my revenge!
(The special ends completely)